The Monster

Preface:  In the past, I was scared of something.  I was hurting inside.  I couldn't figure why I was hurting, so I started writing this in 2008, on my iPhone's notepad app.  Over the next few years, I added to it and modified it little by little.  There were times I forgot about this little letter to myself, but as time went on, I would add to it from then until now (2012).  I never intended to share this with anyone but me, but how could I be so selfish? It is long, but I hope you enjoy it!  :)

It all started when I had a question, and it went like this:

The following portion was written in 2008-2010 and modified between now and then:

Why are we afraid?  There is a spontaneous light switch located in an unknown location; we have no control over it.  Even if our fingers could touch it, we still wouldn't know how to respect it.  Even if we did have control over this plug or switch, the world would probably be over-populated, and dictatorships [that revolve around controlling these on/off switches] would last forever.  These dictatorships would probably thrive off of controlling the demise of others through ridiculously unattainable taxation; if the taxes weren't paid, then instant death sentences would occur.  So, the question rises again:  Why are we afraid?  Maybe, the question should be rephrased into more questions:  Why am I afraid?  Why are YOU afraid?  Why are some NOT afraid? Why do some rejoice at the thought of it?  None will ever know exactly what it is, until we completely cross over.

Airplane rides have always kind of, for lack of better terms, concerned me. I might be traveling to visit family. The reverence of gravity's power or a freak-accidental disaster never overcomes the excitement, but, in the back of my mind, it is very apparent.  Upon boarding, I just say my prayers, push my concerns away, and get on with my trip.  I realize that I am not in control when I'm dangling 35,000 feet above the ground.  But, I also know that I am statistically safe, knowing that I would have to fly every day, consecutively, for over 19,000 years for a chance of a fatal incident occurring.  The thought still scales the back of my mind, nevertheless.   I once knew a United States Air Force chaplain who had moved half way across the globe from the U.S. to Guam. In his first sermon after moving there, he jokingly said that he always loved God, "a whole lot more," when he was on a long airplane ride.   We all, in the congregation, laughed, but we all knew what he was saying and we related with him.

There are some people who dwell this world who, to some, are considered "more important" than others. These are the ones that do acts so important, who go down in history as greats.  They are worshipped by the masses, and treated with best of the best.  Most of us are just regular Joes and Janes. Maybe two to three generations of friends and family will remember us, but unless we do something amazing, crazy, or great, the history books won't contain us.  Remember, we are ALL human, regardless of our status.

Generations, fads, trends, kingdoms, and this planet's kings die with death.  They live on through history, legends, and memories, but their flesh and bones disappear over time.  That may sound really cliché, but, to me, it means too much.  The human race has existed for thousands upon thousands of years, and most all generations have pondered this subject.  It is documented that Genghis Khan once met with a Buddhist monk about becoming an immortal; Khan found no solution to this burning desire.  I can only imagine the feeling he had as he turned and walked away.  Even he, a feared man who brought death and destruction to most of Asia (and other regions), craved eternal human life; human life is the one thing he, like a god, took from thousands, but he himself, with all of his power, could not clinch an eternal earthly residence. It was just a matter of time.  I would love to live forever, and in some way, shape or form, I, actually we, will.  This is where a life-long decision-making process comes into play.

So, a while back, in early 2008, 2:00 AM creeps upon me, while in my sleep.  That time of night is always so eerily quiet, except for ears ringing and the air conditioner turning itself on/off.  It is the middle of a horribly bland and boring workweek. I was in a band, at the time.  My band members and I had also dealt with drama from one of our mates. I was also dealing with utmost loneliness, from a recent spontaneous move to Southern California and not knowing anyone.  Needless to say, the week was not treating me great, but was definitely not worse than some others.  

Suddenly, I am awakened by a small Riverside-San Bernardino area earthquake. Somehow, ironically, the small ones seem to always occur in the quiet night/early morning.  Startled from the shake, I woke with fearful thoughts rushing through my mind; my heart was beating like drum, at 3 million beats per minute, palpitating, almost completely out of my chest.  The fear was of the unknown, invisible monster standing beside my bed.  He is the reaper and  he's waiting for the right time to grab my hand and walk me to the gates. My only hope is that I did it "right", this one chance I had at life.  This fear was from Something deeply rooted in my heart that I had not had a personal relationship with in many months, possibly years prior.  

Credit:  © iStockphoto/Dodorema

That was my past.

HEY!  Guess what...The past is gone...

Here is the present:

Many, including myself, believe eternal afterlife rests in a Higher Power's hands.  Numerous others believe there are no higher powers; no good or evil; no consequences. Regardless of the belief, we all face it, and, eventually, the monster comes for all of us.  There is no way to overcome, escape, or defeat it. We are married to it.  Our left-hand ring fingers wear are banded with it and our wrists are handcuffed to it, walking to the final destination, from birth.  From birth, our days have a number that only One knows of.

The monster does not have to be a monster. If we become at peace with the monster in our minds, we can prepare our minds and souls for the inevitable. We think we are alone in this battle.  The fact is we are not alone.  Maybe we should talk to others about it. To be so advanced, on Earth, as humans, it is hard to believe that after death there is complete darkness for an eternity.  We are the only "intelligent animals" or earth, who can reason, and make mental, and emotional decisions.  We are capable of love, hate, and forgiveness.  We have souls, too.  Crazy, huh?  I do not believe we "evolved" into this. If we began as primates, then why do primates still exist?  Anything that has "evolved", has left it's original state, and became a different form.

Today, I believe that death's fear ends with eternal salvation.  My fear of the dark actually became a yearning for the light. If I have an eternal light to look ahead to, not tomorrow, but today, I will live for today, and the light ahead.  God, the God of all mankind, Jesus Christ's Father, our maker has given me the peace of mind and inside of my heart is calm no matter what storm surrounds it.  There are no more fears and no more sleepless nights; there is no more fearing death.  Do you want to know WHY?  The answer is that I am not going to die. Because of Jesus Christ, I will live eternally, according to His promises. I now understand why some "mysteriously" don't have a fear of this darkness. I definitely do not fear death, now. Darkness isn't my destiny; Eternal Life is...

Credit: igorcoltro via bigstockphoto.com